Comments for peer reviews

Comments

  1. The second paragraph of your introduction seemed opinionated. It is important in a research paper to stay neutral and unbiased, while also explaining why the research is important. You made a claim that the athletes were starving, this seemed a bit dramatic, with extreme claims like this, there should be sources to support. Also in your introduction, you should include the gap in knowledge as long as a clear hypothesis or research questions.
    When internally referencing your charts, sometimes you italicize the chart number and sometimes you do not. What ever you choose, let that be consistent.
    Your procedure section seemed small. Maybe add some extra specifics to enhance that section of your paper. While you did a great job of being clear and concise, your audience may have missed out on some important areas of your procedure. Also, in your discussion section you can mention that because you only surveyed a fraternity, you did not hear the opinions of females at all in your study. This lack of perspective definitely impacts your data and could be interesting to explore in future research.
    In terms of Language Use and Format, make sure that all your internal citations include a page or paragraph number. In addition, remember to include an abstract section before turning in the final draft.
    Overall, your paper was very clear and to the point. I would re-read through your paper and make sure that the sides of the argument are stated, and that it is not one side heavy or being persuasive.

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  2. Your rough draft is overall good paper, and you are clearly stated problem, findings and implications in your research. Your flow is well which helps reader easier to understand your findings.
    However, I think you should change some formats on your paper. First, this paper didn't have "Abstract" at the beginning. Your in-text citation lost page number or # of paragraph. The correct format is (author, year, page number).
    You can try to give more suggestions at the end of your discussions.
    The reference page should use hanging format.
    Your charts are really help reader to understand your research, good job.
    The other parts are doing well.

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